Monday, March 8, 2010

I'm back!

God how I love it, fucking love it! Sucking on the sacred smoke, careening around the cosmos, banking off planets, dodging asteroids, weaving in and out meteor showers, and best of all sitting down with the Lord God Almighty for a couple of hands of Texas hold ‘em (His kid’s still pissed over how Christians ignore his teachings. He preached revolution and the Romans hung him out to dry only to see his teachings trivialized and reduced to a doctrine of personal salvation, a sort of a theological cover-your-ass. It was Paul’s fault. He was given a mission to destroy Christianity, and he did by convincing the world that the kid died for our sins. Bullshit! The kid died ‘cause he pissed off the Romans. I’m telling you, it’s going to be a rock ‘n roll Judgment Day when the kid comes back!)

But in the meantime, I’m back! When GWB left office I sank into a deep pit of drug-induced despair. I pumped shit into my system that wasn’t meant to be pumped into a septic tank, let alone a human body. I was crushed, destroyed, a mere empty husk of a man. Then, one day, when God had cleaned out all my chips, I had an unwanted moment of lucidity and I saw….

George had risen from the dead in the person of Barack Obama (Same shit; different package.) Sure, it was so much better with George bumbling around. You kept waiting for him to fuck up so Karl could bail him out. The last thing this country needs is an articulate and intelligent Trilby. It’s true, that Obama has his Svengali in Rahm Emanuel, but I wonder if Rahm has him on as short a leash as George was on. There’s always a danger that Obama could turn on his handlers, something that was never a worry with George.

O, but life is sweet now, especially since America’s toxic Pillsbury Doughboy, Karl Rove has published his memoirs. Once again Karl proves that bullshit ain’t bullshit if he says it ain’t bullshit! Did GWB lie us into war? Hell no!, Karl tells us. Had they but known that Sadddam had no WMDs, they wouldn’t have set foot on the country. Nossir! Not a goddamn foot.

So what if the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) said there were no WMDs. So What if our intelligence agencies said there were no WMDs. What do those people know? God told George the weapons were there, and that was the end of it. The fact that none were found means nothing. When God speaks it’s right even if it’s wrong. (At least, that’s what He tells me.)

Besides, Karl’s claim is another example of his superb soft-shoe. His assertion that we never would have invaded had we only known there were no WMDs elides over the fact that WMDs had nothing to do with the invasion. Hell, we were after the oil, even though we never got any, but who cares since the war enriched a lot of contractors and desensitized the American public to blasted babies and bombed out villages. Thanks to embedded TV news crews war became a just another video game.

I do hope the Tea Party picks Karl up, and that he finds another Trilby he can play Svengali to. Could Sarah be the one? Is it possible Karl could once again move into the Oval Office? I can only hope.

But what really gets my follicles a twittering is the hapless Democrats. What bunch of losers. My plunge into despair was triggered by the fact that not only did the Democrats control the White House, but they had a filibuster-proof majority in Congress. In my paranoia I saw four years of Democratic payback for all the abuse the party had suffered since Ronnie’s ascension.

What a crock! I forgot that the Democrats are suffering from a terminal case of battered-wife syndrome and are a study in learned helplessness. The Democrats are like the guy who worked for a sadistic boss. Every morning, as soon as the guy stepped into the workplace, his boss would whack him with a two-by-four. Morning after morning, as sure as the sun comes up in the east, the boss was there. One morning, the guy stepped through the door, and the boss wasn’t there. So the guy waited for him.

Yes, nothing’s changed in the last year, except Progressives are sitting around scratching their asses while they wait for Obama to turn left. Ain’t going to happen! Obama roared past that intersection the moment he was sworn in.

God, how I love it!


  1. Finally! someone I can relate to again. I was getting boored with repemocrats screwing me exactly the same way as republicans.

  2. Belacqua has multiple ways of screwing.

  3. Good to see you have exorcised your demons and are back Belacqua!!
    I don't care what you pump into your body as long as your crazy rants are posted here to get me through the rage filled hours of my day as I witness a 230 year experiment go down the shitter.
    The fuel for our observations is seemingly limitless as the corporatocracy© consumes all in it's path.

  4. You're return coordinates with my escape from the "sanity" asylum of hope and change. All the happy pills I swallowed throughout the campaign have reached thier half-life, and now reality is clear. Nothing has changed... and "Hope" is just another 4 letter word.

    Nice to have you back...

  5. Jonathan,

    Now it's time to get really pissed off.